The Silent Scream In The House Of Books | Finding God In A Toxic Workplace

The scent of old paper and leather bindings used to be my favorite smell in the world. It smelled like wisdom, like history, like quiet sanctuary. This library was supposed to be my dream job—a place where I could serve my community, preserve knowledge, and be surrounded by the very words that have shaped our people for millennia. I pictured sunbeams falling on dusty volumes of Talmud, on well-worn copies of the Tanakh, and on the writings of our sages.

But the air in this house of books has grown thick with a different kind of history—a heavy, oppressive silence that has nothing to do with quiet study. The real stories here aren’t just printed on pages; they are whispered in hushed tones between the stacks, held in the downcast eyes of a colleague, and felt in the knot of dread in my stomach every morning.

This library, my place of work and study, is sick. It’s a environment poisoned by sexual harassment, abusive power dynamics, and the presence of sexual predators who operate with impunity. The very place that should be a beacon of light and learning has become a shadowy corner where righteousness is mocked, where reports are dismissed, and where the name of God is met with eye-rolls or cold indifference. It is a profound loneliness to feel surrounded by words of truth while living in a reality of lies and manipulation.

If you are reading this and your soul resonates with a deep, aching familiarity, please know this first and foremost: You are not alone. Your pain is seen. Your frustration is holy. Your desire for justice is not a flaw—it is the very image of God stamped upon your heart.

When the World Mocks Righteousness: The Pain of Being a Light in Darkness

It is a unique kind of weariness to strive for integrity in a system that rewards the opposite. It’s the exhaustion of biting your tongue during a crude joke, the anxiety of avoiding certain individuals in narrow aisles, the anger of seeing abusers promoted while the victims are sidelined or pushed out. The mandate to be "set apart" can feel less like a holy calling and more like a crushing burden when your environment is actively hostile to everything you hold dear.

You may cry out, as the psalmist did, "How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?" (Psalm 13:1). This cry is not a sign of weak faith; it is the raw, honest prayer of a heart that trusts God enough to bring its deepest anguish to Him. He can handle your anger, your confusion, and your tears.

The Promise of God's Justice: An Anchor for the Soul

In the face of such overwhelming injustice, our human resources departments and policies often fail us. But our God does not. The Scriptures are not a naive escape from reality; they are the foundational truth that anchors us in reality—God’s reality.

From the Prophet Isaiah:

"For I the LORD love justice; I hate robbery and wrong; I will faithfully give them their recompense, and I will make an everlasting covenant with them." - Isaiah 61:8

Practical Application: This verse reminds us that justice is not a secondary concern to God; it is central to His character. He loves justice. He is personally offended by the "wrong" being done in your workplace. When you feel that burning sense of injustice, you are feeling a reflection of His heart. This promise assures us that recompense—setting things right—is ultimately His responsibility. Our role is to remain faithful and trust that He sees every hidden comment, every inappropriate touch, every abused power dynamic, and He will not let it stand forever. This truth allows us to release the need for personal vengeance and rest in His sovereign plan.

From the Psalms:

"The LORD is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek you." - Psalm 9:9-10

Practical Application: On the days you feel small, oppressed, and powerless, this verse is a declaration of where true power resides. God is not a distant observer; He is a stronghold—a fortress of safety and strength for you. To "know His name" is to understand His character as protector, judge, and redeemer. Practically, this means in the middle of a difficult day, you can silently whisper His name—YHWH-Rophe (The LORD who Heals), YHWH-Mishpat (The LORD our Justice)—and find a moment of refuge and strength within your own spirit, remembering that He has not forsaken you.

The Example of Our Messiah: Navigating the Wolves with Wisdom

Yeshua our Messiah did not walk through a world of peace and safety. He operated in a toxic religious and political environment filled with predators, liars, and those who abused their power. His example is our guide for how to navigate our own difficult environments.

From the Gospel of Matthew:

"Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves." - Matthew 10:16

Practical Application: Yeshua acknowledges the reality of our situation head-on. He doesn't promise to remove the wolves; He prepares us to live among them. This is a practical, two-fold strategy:

· Be wise as serpents: This is a call to discernment, not paranoia. Document everything. Understand company policies. Know who you can cautiously trust. Avoid unnecessary, risky situations. Protect yourself practically and legally. This is not contrary to faith; it is exercising the wisdom God gives.

· Be innocent as doves: This is the call to guard your own heart and conduct. Do not repay evil with evil. Do not engage in gossip or become like your oppressors. Maintain your integrity, your kindness, and your purity, not for their sake, but for God’s. Your Christ-like response in the face of evil is a powerful testimony, even if no one ever acknowledges it.

How Do We Live in the Tension?

So what do we do while we wait for God's justice? We do not simply endure; we actively overcome.

1. Create a Sanctuary of One: Your cubicle, your car, your headphones—these can become temporary sanctuaries. Use your break to listen to worship music, read a Psalm, or pray. Reclaim moments of your day for the Kingdom.

2. Find Your One: You may not be able to talk to everyone, but is there one trustworthy colleague you can pray with or confide in? A single ally can make all the difference.

3. Your Work as Worship: In the midst of the chaos, do your job with excellence as unto Adonai (Colossians 3:23-24). Your faithful work becomes an act of spiritual rebellion against the spirit of corruption around you.

4. Set Boundaries: Wisdom often means creating firm, professional boundaries. It is okay to say no, to leave a room, or to redirect a conversation. Your safety and well-being are a priority to God.

You Are Part of a Community on a Shared Mission

Friend, if this resonates with you, please hear this: your struggle in that difficult place is not in vain. You are a light in a dark corner, a preservative of salt in a decaying environment. The fact that you care about justice means the Spirit of God is alive and well within you.

This work—of standing for righteousness, of being a light, of interceding for your workplace—is a ministry. And ministry, in the model of Yeshua, is never done alone. We are a body.

If you feel led to support this "ministry in the stacks," there are several ways we can lock arms together:

· Pray: Pray for protection, for wisdom, for the courage to be both wise and innocent. Pray for the light to penetrate the darkness and for God's justice to reign. Your prayers create a spiritual stronghold where a physical one does not exist.

· Encourage: If you know someone in a similar situation, send them a text. Let them know they are seen and valued. A little encouragement is like a cup of cold water to a weary soul.

· Share: Share this post if you think it would help others feel less alone. Sometimes, just knowing another person understands the battle is a powerful source of strength.

We are in this together, a community bound by faith, striving to see God's kingdom come in every corner of our lives—even, and especially, in the most difficult ones.

"But let justice roll down like waters, and righteousness like an ever-flowing stream." (Amos 5:24). May it be so, even in the library.

With hope and solidarity,

A Fellow Sojourner