The Truth About Why Giving Feels Costly — And The Freedom Found Beyond It

Why It’s So Hard to Give (And How We Can Become Better Givers)

I saw him from my car window, standing at the intersection where the stoplight always seems to take forever. He held a simple, hand-written sign. His eyes weren’t demanding; they were just… tired. In that suspended minute, the familiar internal war began. Should I look away? Do I have cash? What if he uses it for something bad? The light turned green. I drove away, clutching my steering wheel a little tighter, my heart a confusing mix of relief and guilt.

If you’ve ever felt that same conflict, you are not alone. That tension—between a genuine desire to help and the swirling doubts that hold us back—is a deeply human experience. We want to be compassionate, but we’re afraid of being unwise. We feel a nudge in our spirit, but we rationalize it away. We see the need, but it feels too vast, and we feel too small.

Today, let’s gently unpack that struggle together, not with judgment, but with grace, and discover how we can open our hands and hearts a little more.

The Walls We Build (And Why They Crumble in the Light)

Our hesitation to give often isn’t born of hard-heartedness. It’s often built on a foundation of very real fears and practical concerns.

· The Fear of Enabling: "What if my gift is used for addiction and not for food?" This is perhaps the most common and weightiest concern. We want to help, not harm.

· The Question of Impact: "My five dollars won't change anything. The problem is too big." We feel our small contribution is a drop in an ocean of need, so we don't offer the drop at all.

· The Discomfort of Proximity: It’s easier to ignore a problem we can’t see. Looking into the eyes of someone in need makes it personal. It moves the issue from a abstract "social problem" to a human encounter, and that can be emotionally overwhelming.

· The Myth of Scarcity: In a world that constantly tells us we don’t have enough, we cling tightly to what we have. We operate from a place of fear—"What if I give this away and then I don’t have enough?"—rather than a place of faith.

These walls feel sturdy, but Scripture invites us to see beyond them.

What Scripture Tells Us About the Heart of Giving

The Bible doesn’t ignore our practical concerns, but it does reframe them with eternal perspective and practical wisdom.

From the Old Testament: Proverbs 19:17 (NIV)

"Whoever is kind to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will reward them for what they have done."

This verse is a breathtaking paradigm shift. It moves giving from a mere financial transaction to a sacred act of trust. When we give to someone in need, we are not just giving to them; we are, in a spiritual sense, lending to God. This doesn’t magically answer every practical question, but it changes the motive. We are called to be faithful and compassionate in our act of giving; the ultimate results are in God’s hands. Our part is to act out of kindness, trusting Him with the outcome.

From the Gospels: Matthew 25:40 (NIV)

"The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’"

Jesus’s words here are perhaps the most powerful motivator of all. He intimately identifies with the hurting, the hungry, and the destitute. When we serve them, we are serving Him. This infuses every small act with eternal significance. That bottle of water, that sandwich, that warm pair of socks—given with love—is an offering to Christ Himself. It moves us from seeing "a homeless person" to seeing a person, worthy of dignity, in whom the image of God is present.

Becoming a Better Giver: Small Steps of Faithful Courage

So how do we move from internal conflict to compassionate action? Here are a few pathways, remembering that every journey begins with a single step.

1. Shift from Judgment to Compassion. We are called to be stewards of our resources, not detectives of someone else’s story. We can choose to err on the side of grace, trusting that God sees the heart—theirs and ours.

2. Embrace the Power of "Small." Never believe the lie that a small act doesn’t matter. To the person receiving it, it’s everything. A smile, a warm meal, a few dollars for gas—these are tangible signs of love and humanity. They say, "I see you. You matter."

3. Prepare to Give. Keep non-perishable snack bags in your car (with water, granola bars, fruit cups). Have a few fast-food gift cards in your glove compartment. This removes the moment-of-decision panic and allows you to respond quickly and kindly when the opportunity arises.

4. Support Trusted Organizations. If giving directly to individuals feels too fraught, partner with local shelters, soup kitchens, or faith-based outreach programs. Your financial gift or volunteer hours amplify their work, helping them to provide not just immediate relief but long-term support and dignity.

5. Give Your Presence. Sometimes, the greatest gift is to look someone in the eye, ask their name, and listen. Acknowledge their humanity. This costs nothing but means everything.

A Shared Mission of Compassionate Advocacy

Friends, this work of seeing the unseen and loving our neighbors is not a solitary calling. It’s a community mission. The struggle is real, but so is the hope. The need is vast, but so is God’s grace to meet it through our willing hands.

If this reflection has resonated with you, if you too desire to build a world where compassion overcomes fear and dignity replaces destitution, I invite you to join me in this work.

You can:

· Pray: Pray for softened hearts, for wisdom for those helping on the front lines, and for renewed dignity for our brothers and sisters in need.

· Share: Share this post with someone you think would benefit from this message. Let’s start more conversations rooted in grace.

· Encourage: Leave a comment below sharing your own experiences or words of encouragement for others on this journey. Your story matters.

· Give: If you feel led to support this writing advocacy work, which aims to continue telling these stories of humanity and faith, you can do so [here, link to your support page]. Every bit of support allows me to dedicate more time to this ministry of words.

Thank you for being here, for caring, and for your heart to become a better giver. Together, in community, we can learn to open our hands a little wider, trust a little deeper, and love a little more like Jesus.

With gratitude and hope,