The Unseen War | Wives Beaten Into Submission By Husbands Who Misuse Scripture

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Is your husband using Torah and Gospel verses to justify control and abuse? This biblically-grounded guide for Messianic Jewish women exposes the misuse of scripture, offers healing, and reveals the true heart of God for marriage. You are not alone.

The Unseen War: When "Submission" Becomes a Weapon in a Messianic Home

A Quick Summary for the Hurting Heart

· This is for the wife who feels trapped by verses like "submit" and "head."

· This post exposes the twisting of Scripture used to justify control, intimidation, and abuse.

· We will explore what biblical submission truly is—and what it is not.

· You will find the true voice of Yeshua (Jesus) who honors and protects women.

· This is a call to safety, truth, and healing based on the whole counsel of God.

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Your spirit is weary. The words "Wives, submit to your husbands" (Ephesians 5:22) echo in your mind, not as a beautiful mystery, but as a weapon. He quotes it. He uses the Torah, the Proverbs, even the words of our Messiah, to justify his anger, his control, his verbal assaults, or his silence that screams louder than any yell.

You feel trapped. To question him feels like questioning God. To defy him feels like sinning.

But deep in your soul, a holy fire flickers. This doesn't feel like the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. This doesn't feel like the love of Yeshua HaMashiach.

You are right. It isn't.

This is an unseen war—a spiritual battle where the enemy uses the very words of life to bring death to your spirit, your marriage, and your home. Let's fight back with real truth.

The Twisted Scripture: How God's Word Is Weaponized

Abusive control often hides behind a mask of piety. Here are the common verses taken out of context and how they are misused:

· "Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands..." * The Twist:Used to demand absolute obedience, silence, and compliance with all demands, including sinful ones. Your thoughts, feelings, and safety are deemed irrelevant. * The Truth:This verse is part of a larger passage about mutual submission ("submit to one another" - Ephesians 5:21). It is never a command to obey sin or endure abuse.

· "For the husband is the head of the wife..." * The Twist:Used to claim ultimate authority, like a CEO or a king. His word is law. Your role is to serve without question. * The Truth:In the very same breath, Messiah is called the head of the congregation. How does He lead? "For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." (Mark 10:45). Biblical headship is servant leadership, not selfish tyranny.

· "A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof." (Proverbs 19:13) * The Twist:Used to silence your concerns, your hurt, and your pleas for change. You are labeled "nagging" or "contentious" for having a voice. * The Truth:Proverbs describes a fool as one who "despises wisdom and instruction" (Proverbs 1:7). A godly husband listens to the wisdom of his wife, as Abraham did with Sarah.

This twisting of Scripture creates a cage. It isolates you. It makes you doubt your own mind and your own value before Adonai.

But the True Shepherd has a different voice.

The True Voice of Messiah: How Yeshua Honored Women

Look at the life of Yeshua. In a culture that often marginalized women, He consistently elevated, honored, and protected them.

· He Defended the Accused: When the religious leaders brought a woman caught in adultery to stone her (a act of public shaming and violence), Yeshua did not join in. He protected her. His famous words, "Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her" (John 8:7), disarmed her abusers. He then told her, "Then neither do I condemn you... Go now and leave your life of sin." (John 8:11). He offered grace and truth, not condemnation and violence.

· He Valued Their Witness: After His resurrection, who did He appear to first? Women. Mary Magdalene and the other Mary (Matthew 28:1-10). In that culture, a woman's testimony was often considered unreliable. Yet Yeshua chose them as the first heralds of the most important news in history. He trusts and values women.

· He Respected Their Learning: Yeshua commended Mary of Bethany for sitting at His feet to learn, a place typically reserved for male disciples. When her sister Martha complained, Yeshua said, "Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." (Luke 10:42). He affirms a woman's right to spiritual knowledge and growth.

Yeshua's model is one of radical love, respect, and dignity. Any interpretation of Scripture that crushes your spirit, dismisses your voice, or tolerates your harm is not from Him.

What Biblical Submission Actually Looks Like

The biblical model of marriage is a beautiful, mutual covenant—a picture of Messiah and His congregation.

· It is Voluntary: Submission is a wife's choice, not a husband's demand. It is a gift given to a trustworthy man.

· It is Mutual: The overarching principle is "submit to one another out of reverence for Messiah." (Ephesians 5:21). Marriage is a partnership.

· It is Rooted in Love: The husband's primary command is not to command, but to love. "Husbands, love your wives, just as Messiah loved the congregation and gave himself up for her." (Ephesians 5:25). This is a love that sacrifices, protects, and cherishes.

· It is Safe: True biblical leadership makes a wife feel safe, valued, and honored. It does not incite fear. "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment." (1 John 4:18).

If you live in fear of your husband's anger, words, or actions, the biblical covenant is broken on his end. You are not sinning by seeking safety.

Finding Your Voice and Your Safety: A Path Forward

If this resonates with you, your first step is to recognize the truth: This is not okay. This is not God's design.

1. Pray for Discernment: Ask the Holy Spirit (Ruach HaKodesh) to reveal the truth to you. "But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth." (John 16:13).

2. Sech Safe Counsel: You cannot do this alone. Confide in a trusted, wise person who understands the sanctity of marriage and the sanctity of you. This could be a rabbi, a counselor, or a mature friend. Their outside perspective is vital.

3. Set Boundaries (With Support): Boundaries are biblical. They define what is and is not your responsibility. You are not responsible for his sin, his anger, or his choices. With the help of your counsel, you may need to set clear boundaries. This is not rebellion; it is stewardship of the life God gave you.

4. Prioritize Physical Safety: If you are in physical danger, your safety and the safety of your children is the immediate priority. Please reach out to a domestic violence hotline or a local shelter. This is an act of wisdom and preservation.

5. Remember Your Identity: You are not a slave. You are not property.

   · You are "fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalm 139:14).

   · You are a "daughter of the King" (Psalm 45:13).

   · You are worth the very life of the Messiah.

A Final Word of Hope

This war is unseen, but you are not unseen. The God of Hagar, who saw her in her desperation and despair, sees you. He is "the God who sees me" (El Roi - Genesis 16:13).

Your marriage can be a battlefield, but it does not have to be a grave. There is hope for redemption, restoration, and healing—but it starts with truth. It starts with calling abuse what it is and refusing to let it hide behind the holy words of our God.

You are loved. You are valued. You are seen.

Resources:

· National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233

· The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (ncadv.org)

· Seek out a licensed Christian or Messianic Jewish counselor specializing in trauma and abuse.

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Share this post if it resonated with you. You never know who else in our community is fighting this unseen war in silence.