Gaslighting in the Pews: The Spiritual Abuse Yeshua Warned Us About & How to Find Your Truth in Torah

H1: Shattered Reality: When Gaslighting Invades Your Faith and Family

Meta Description: Feeling confused, doubting your sanity, and questioning your faith? You might be experiencing gaslighting. Discover the biblical signs of this spiritual abuse, find solace in the words of Yeshua and the Prophets, and learn 3 Torah-based steps to reclaim your God-given truth and peace.

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It started with a simple comment after Shabbat service. “Sarah, your kavanah (intention) during worship seemed a bit… performative.” Sarah’s heart sank. She had felt a genuine connection with Adonai. But her husband said it with such concern. Then it was her memory. “You never reminded me we were having guests, I would have remembered.” She was sure she had. Then it was her feelings. “You’re too sensitive. You’re misinterpreting that Torah portion. A true follower of Yeshua would have more grace.”

Slowly, the vibrant, confident woman who loved Torah and knew her Messiah began to fade. She walked on eggshells. She apologized constantly. She doubted her own mind, her own spirit, her own faith. The very truths of Scripture that once anchored her felt slippery and distant. She was drowning in a sea of confusion, and the person who held the lifeline was the one pushing her under.

If this story makes your stomach clench, if you feel a painful resonance in your soul… you are not alone. And you are not going crazy.

What you are experiencing has a name: Gaslighting.

It’s a form of psychological manipulation designed to make you question your own reality, memory, or perceptions. And tragically, it happens in our homes, our friendships, and even our Messianic communities.

This is not just a psychological issue; it is a deep spiritual battle against the very truth God has planted within you. Let’s expose this darkness to the light of God's Word.

What is Gaslighting? The Ancient Lie in Modern Clothes

Gaslighting is when someone systematically makes you doubt your own senses and sanity to gain power and control over you. It’s a slow, steady drip of distortion.

The term comes from a play where a husband dims the gas lights in his home, but insists his wife is imagining it, making her believe she is losing her mind.

The goal of the gaslighter is to make you dependent on their version of reality instead of your own.

Common Gaslighting Phrases You Might Hear:

· "That never happened. You have such a bad memory."

· "You're being too sensitive/dramatic/crazy."

· "I was just joking! You can't take a joke?"

· "You're misinterpreting the Scriptures. You're not spiritual enough to understand."

· "I'm only saying this because I love you and I'm concerned for your walk with Yeshua."

This is more than a simple disagreement. It is a calculated erosion of your soul.

The Original Gaslighter: A Look at the Garden

To understand the demonic roots of gaslighting, we must go back to the beginning. To the Garden of Eden. Look at the very first spiritual conversation.

The serpent said to the woman, “Has God really said, ‘You shall not eat of any tree of the garden’?” (Genesis 3:1)

Satan’s first move was to distort God’s clear command. He twisted Adonai’s generous provision (“You may freely eat of every tree”) into a restrictive lie (“You shall not eat of any tree”).

He made Chava (Eve) question what she knew God had said.

Then, he moved to the next phase: blatantly contradicting God’s reality.

The serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. For God knows that in the day you eat it, your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” (Genesis 3:4-5)

He directly called God a liar. He said, "Your perception of God's warning is false. My reality is the true one. God is withholding good from you."

Sound familiar?

This is the enemy’s playbook. Make you doubt God's Word, then make you doubt God's character, and finally, make you dependent on the liar’s version of the truth.

How Yeshua Identified and Confronted Spiritual Gaslighting

Our Messiah, Yeshua, was a master at identifying and dismantling this kind of manipulative, truth-twisting language. The religious leaders of His day were experts in spiritual gaslighting, and He called them out on it.

They used the Word of God to control and burden people, rather than to liberate them.

“They tie up heavy burdens that are hard to carry, and lay them on people’s shoulders; but they themselves aren’t willing to lift a finger to move them.” (Matthew 23:4)

This is a classic gaslighter’s tactic: creating a standard of "truth" or "righteousness" that is impossible to meet, making you feel perpetually guilty and inadequate, and therefore, completely dependent on them for approval and guidance.

But Yeshua offered a different way. He offered a truth that sets you free.

“You will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.” (John 8:32)

The truth of Adonai is not a weapon to control you. It is a key that unlocks the prison of deception. The gaslighter says, "You need me to know the truth." Yeshua says, "Know the truth, and you will be free—even from me."

The Prophetic Cry: "Am I the One in the Wrong?"

The pain of being manipulated and called the "crazy one" is not new. We hear this cry of anguish throughout the Tanakh (Old Testament). The prophets were often isolated, mocked, and made to feel like they were the problem.

Listen to the heart-cry of Jeremiah, who was constantly told his prophecies were wrong and his perspective was flawed:

I have become a laughingstock all day long; everyone mocks me... But if I say, “I will not mention him or speak any more in his name,” then within me there is something like a burning fire shut up in my bones; I am weary with holding it in, and I cannot. (Jeremiah 20:7, 9)

He felt the external pressure to be silent, to accept their version of reality. But the true truth God had placed inside him was like a fire. He could not deny it, even when everyone around him said he was wrong.

Your God-given intuition, your spirit that bears witness with His Ruach (Spirit), is that fire. Don't let anyone extinguish it.

3 Torah-Based Steps to Reclaim Your Reality

If you suspect you are in a gaslighting situation, here is a practical, biblically-rooted path to finding solid ground again.

1. Anchor Your Soul in an Unchanging Truth

A gaslighter makes truth subjective and dependent on their mood. You must anchor yourself to what is objectively, eternally true.

· Write It Down: Keep a private journal. Record conversations, events, and your feelings. This isn't being sneaky; it's preserving your sanity. When you start to doubt, you can look at your own record.

· Immerse in Scripture: Ground yourself in the character of Adonai, who is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Malachi 3:6). He is not the author of confusion (1 Corinthians 14:33).

“Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will not pass away.” (Matthew 24:35)

2. Find a "Miryam and Chava" - A Trusted Witness

In Torah, a matter must be established by two or three witnesses (Deuteronomy 19:15). You need a witness to your reality.

· Seek Wise Counsel: Find a trusted rabbi, a mature friend, or a professional counselor outside of the manipulative dynamic. Share your experience with them. A healthy, objective person can help you see the distortion clearly.

· Let Them Reflect God's Heart: A true friend reflects God's heart, not the accuser's.

“Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up, just as you are doing.” (1 Thessalonians 5:11 - Note: While this is from a Pauline epistle, the principle is thoroughly Torah-based, as seen in Leviticus 19:18).

3. Set Boundaries with the Courage of the Maccabees

You cannot reason with a dedicated gaslighter. Yeshua didn't waste His pearls on swine (Matthew 7:6). Setting a boundary is not hatred; it is holy preservation.

· Use "I" Statements: "I feel confused when you say I said things I don't remember. I need you to respect that my memory and experience are valid to me."

· Limit Exposure: You may need to create emotional or physical space from the person. This is an act of spiritual warfare to protect the truth God has placed inside you.

· Forgive, But Don't Forget Your Lesson: Forgiveness sets you free from bitterness. But it does not mean you have to re-enter the toxic dynamic. Be "wise as serpents and innocent as doves" (Matthew 10:16).

You Are Not Crazy. You Are a Child of the God of Truth.

If you take away one thing from this, let it be this: The feeling of "going crazy" is the primary symptom of the poison, not proof that you are unwell.

The Ruach HaKodesh (Holy Spirit) within you is the Spirit of Truth (John 16:13). When a lie is forced upon you, your spirit recoils. That inner conflict is a sign that your spiritual alarm system is working.

You were created for truth, for shalom, for the authentic love and community that Yeshua modeled.

The path to healing begins when you dare to trust the quiet, firm voice of Adonai within you over the loud, persistent voice of the manipulator outside of you.

“You will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.” (John 8:32)

That promise is for you. Right now. Cling to it. Fight for it. Your freedom, your sanity, and your faith are worth it.

You are seen. You are believed. You are not alone.