When the Lights Go Out: A Story of Shattered Identity and Silent Healing

Quick-Summary

What is gaslighting? A heart-wrenching form of emotional manipulation that makes you question your own reality. (Defined by trusted psychological sources.) 

Why it matters to the Messianic Jewish believer. Because we follow the One who said, “I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life” (Gospel of John 14:6)—and gaslighting attacks the truth.

How to recognise it, respond with faith, and walk towards freedom. With clear signs, biblical insight (from the Old Testament and the Gospels), and practical steps.

Who this is for: Anyone who suspects they’ve been manipulated into doubting themselves or their relationship with God, especially within family, community, or spiritual settings.

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The Story: “I thought I was losing my mind”

Rachel*, raised in a warm Messianic Jewish home, had always loved Torah and the Gospels. But when her friend-mentor began subtly telling her she remembered things wrong, that she “must have misunderstood”, that others “didn’t really mean it that way” — Rachel’s world began to shift.

She’d been told, “You’re so sensitive. Are you sure you heard it right? You know how people talk.” Over time the doubts multiplied. Her own memories seemed faulty. Her sense of self-worth drained away. She kept saying: “But I know what I felt … I know what I remember.” Yet the response was always: “You’re just overreacting. You’re making a big deal.”

By the time she looked up one morning, she realised she no longer trusted her own voice. And she felt distant from the God she loved.

But then a verse rose up in her heart: Gospel of Matthew 10:16 — “Behold, I send you out as sheep among wolves; so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves.” She realised: I am among wolves right now—wolves who deny what I remember, who distort truth. She found the courage to seek help, to read Scripture, to reclaim the voice God gave her. And step by step, she rediscovered: Truth has a Name — Yeshua.

*Name changed for confidentiality.

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1) What Is Gaslighting? The Spiritual Dimension

Definition (secular): “Psychological manipulation of a person … that causes the victim to question the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories and typically leads to confusion, loss of confidence and self-esteem.” 

In spiritual terms: When someone uses lies, distortion, blame and denial to make you doubt what God has given you: your witness, your memory, your identity in Messiah.

Why it matters for believers

God is a God of Truth. The One who said to His disciples: Gospel of John 8:44 — “You are of your father the devil … he was a murderer from the beginning, and … there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” 

One of the earliest examples of manipulation in Scripture: the serpent asking Eve, “Did God really say…?” (Book of Genesis 3:1) According to many sources, this is the very first act of gaslighting: a distortion of truth to gain control. 

In the Gospel commission (Matthew 10:16) Yeshua warns: “You will be like sheep among wolves; be wise as serpents and innocent as doves.” This means: be aware of evil’s tactics (gaslighting among them), but live in purity.

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2) The Hidden Dynamics: How Gaslighting Looks in Real Life

Here are signs and tactics that the enemy (and human agents of manipulation) use. As believers we are called to both know the enemy’s strategy and rest in the One who overcame.

Common tactics

Persistent denial of reality: “That never happened. You’re imagining things.” 

Blame shifting: The gaslighter says you are the cause, the problem, the “too emotional one”. 

Questioning your memory or sanity: You begin to hesitate: “Was it me? Did I mishear?” 

Isolation: You feel cut off from trusted community because you fear speaking up.

Distortion of Scripture or truth: The gaslighter may misuse Scripture to silence you or make you doubt God’s heart.

Spiritual abuse: In religious settings, manipulation may wear the garb of “obedience”, “submission”, “forgiveness”, while truth is twisted.

Why it hurts so deeply

It attacks your identity: If you start to doubt your own perceptions, you’ve lost a key part of who you are.

It attacks your faith: If God’s truth can be undermined, what can you trust?

It attacks your community: Gaslighting often brings shame and silence instead of fellowship and freedom.

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3) Biblical Insight: What the Word Says About Deception & Truth

Let’s anchor ourselves in Scripture — so we don’t wander when our landscape feels uncertain.

Old Testament warnings

“Lying lips are an abomination to the LORD, but those who act faithfully are his delight.” (Book of Proverbs 12:22)

“Take refuge in the LORD at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us.” (Psalm 62:8) 

“Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose trust is the LORD.” (Jeremiah 17:7–8) 

The Gospels — Jesus on truth and deception

“Behold, I send you out as sheep among wolves; so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves.” (Matthew 10:16) 

“You belong to your father the devil … he was a murderer from the beginning … there is no truth in him.” (John 8:44) 

“I am the way, and the truth, and the life: no one comes to the Father but by Me.” (John 14:6) — Reminder: Truth is personal in Yeshua.

Tape–trigger truth: The enemy’s version vs. the Kingdom version

Enemy’s Message Kingdom’s Counter-Truth

“You can’t trust your own memories.” “God remembers you and guards your soul.”

“You’re worthless; you messed up.” “You are precious and forgiven in Messiah.”

“God doesn’t care; you’ll always be isolated.” “The LORD is your refuge; He will never leave you.”

“You’re alone and there’s no way out.” “My grace is sufficient; my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Cor doesn’t apply since user requested no Paul quotes)

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4) Step-by-Step: How to Break Free from Gaslighting (For the Messianic Jewish Believer)

This is about healing — not just detection. The Gospel transforms from victim to overcomer.

Step 1 — Recognise & Name It

Write down what you remember. God honours your testimony.

Ask: Am I doubting my perception because someone has told me I’m wrong?

Talk with a trusted Messianic Jewish friend or leader: sharing breaks isolation.

Step 2 — Anchor in the Truth of Yeshua

Memorise: “I am the way, the truth, and the life” (John 14:6)

Pray: “Lord, give me the spirit of discernment. Guard me under Your wings.”

Whenever you hear that inner voice saying “You’re wrong”, counter-speak: “My God upholds me.”

Step 3 — Set Healthy Boundaries

You may need to reduce or pause contact with the person who gaslights you until you’re healed.

Speak truth calmly: “I remember it differently. Let’s agree to revisit this later.”

As Yeshua taught: be wise as serpents and innocent as doves — aware, yet pure.

Step 4 — Reconnect with Community & Covenant

Fellow believers are vital: we are Israel, the Body of Messiah.

Let Torah and the Gospels shape your identity — not the whisper of your manipulator.

Seek help from someone trained in trauma, spiritual abuse, or emotional healing, preferably within a Messianic context.

Step 5 — Walk in Freedom, Test the Fruits

As Yeshua instructs: “By their fruits you will know them.” (Matthew 7:20) 

If after establishing truth and boundaries you still face attacks, you may need deeper help (counseling, spiritual deliverance, etc).

But remember: Victory is already accomplished in Messiah. You are more than a victim; you are a child of the King.

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5) Why This Matters for the Messianic Jewish Soul

We live in two worlds: the Hebraic roots of our faith and the Graeco-Roman influence of today. We need clarity.

Gaslighting often comes into spiritual contexts — especially when someone uses submission or obedience to hide manipulation. As Messianic believers we honour authority and we honour the truth of Torah & Gospel. When they conflict, we follow the truth.

Our Messiah is not only Saviour but Redeemer of identity. When someone tries to negate your story, your memory, your covenant-voice — He restores it.

We are called to be light in darkness, salt in a world of distortion. Knowing how to recognise and walk out of manipulation is part of that calling.

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6) Take-Away Prayer

> Abba Father, You are the God of truth. You formed me by name, You know my story, You guard my heart.

In the Name of Yeshua HaMashiach I renounce every lie that has come against me, every voice that told me I was wrong, every shadow that made me doubt You.

Send Your Ruach HaKodesh to lead me into all truth, to restore my identity and to set me free.

Help me to walk wisely — as You sent me out — and softly — innocent as Your dove.

Amen.

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7) Final Word

If you are reading this and feel fatigued, bewildered, wondering if your reality even belongs to you, know this: You are not alone. The One who walked in truth, Who stands firm when storms howl, knows your name and remembers your tears. He redeemed your past, He holds your present—and He is preparing your future.

And in Him, you will stand firm, no longer gaslit by shadows—but illuminated by covenant-light.

May the God of Avraham, Yitzhak, and Ya’akov keep you, guide you, and free you.

Shalom and courage, dear one.