Are You Loving Him Your Way Or G‑d’s Way | The Difference Will Shock You

There’s a quiet, almost invisible struggle many women carry in their hearts—a struggle that often goes unnoticed even in the busiest of lives. Perhaps you’ve felt it too: the moments when love seems heavy, complicated, or even disappointing. You thought that love meant giving all you have, saying the right words, showing up in the right ways—but still, something feels off.

I remember talking to a friend, a woman of deep faith, who confessed late one evening that she was exhausted. She loved her husband deeply, prayed for him daily, and tried to be the “perfect” wife, yet they kept running into the same conflicts, the same misunderstandings, the same distance. Her eyes brimmed with tears as she asked, “Am I doing something wrong? Am I loving him the wrong way?”

That question isn’t just hers—it’s yours too, isn’t it? Loving someone isn’t always easy, especially when we’re trying to navigate it with our own strength instead of leaning on G‑d’s guidance. Today, let’s explore the difference between loving him your way and loving him G‑d’s way—and why understanding this distinction can transform your relationship from ordinary to extraordinary.

Understanding the Difference

When we talk about loving “your way,” we often mean:

Expecting him to meet all our emotional needs

Trying to control or “fix” him

Expressing love primarily through what feels natural or comfortable to us

Loving “G‑d’s way,” however, looks different:

Prioritizing his well-being and spiritual growth, not just your own comfort

Practicing patience, humility, and forgiveness as expressions of love

Reflecting the love of Messiah Yeshua in everyday actions, words, and thoughts

It’s not about losing yourself—it’s about aligning your love with something eternal and unshakable.

Love Through the Lens of Scripture

1. Love Is Patient and Kind

 — Proverbs 10:12

"Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all sins."

Are you impatient when he doesn’t act the way you hope? Do you criticize when he makes mistakes? Loving G‑d’s way means cultivating patience and choosing kindness, even when it’s difficult.

Practical application: 

When frustration rises, pause before reacting. Offer a word of encouragement instead of criticism. Over time, small acts of patience can rebuild trust and intimacy.

2. Love Reflects Servant Leadership

“The greatest among you will be your servant.” — Matthew 23:11

Many women instinctively want to nurture, but sometimes nurturing becomes control. G‑d’s love model reminds us that true love serves without expecting repayment.

Practical application: 

Ask yourself how you can support him in ways that honor his dignity. Sometimes it’s listening without advice, giving space for him to grow, or offering help without a hidden agenda.

3. Love Requires Selflessness

Micah 6:8

"He has shown you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?"

Loving your way often means acting from personal desire. Loving G‑d’s way means asking: How can I bless him today? How can I mirror Messiah’s love in our home?

Practical application: 

Small, daily gestures matter. Prepare his favorite meal, pray for him intentionally, or write a note expressing appreciation. Each act shifts the focus from “me” to “us” and reflects G‑d’s design for relational love.

4. Love Requires Wisdom

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” — Proverbs 3:5-6

It’s tempting to navigate love based on feelings alone, but wisdom transforms love from reactive to intentional. Submitting to G‑d’s guidance means letting Him direct your responses, your words, and your boundaries.

Practical application: 

Before speaking in anger or making a decision that affects your relationship, pause and pray. Ask G‑d to guide your heart and help you respond with grace and clarity.

5. Love Restores and Forgives

Leviticus 19:18

"You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the children of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the LORD."

Holding onto resentment, even subconsciously, is one of the most common ways we unintentionally sabotage love. Forgiveness isn’t a one-time event—it’s a daily choice.

Practical application: When conflict arises, remember His forgiveness toward you. Extend the same mercy to your partner, seeking restoration over retaliation.

Signs You’re Loving Your Way

It’s worth reflecting honestly. Ask yourself:

Do I feel constantly frustrated or unappreciated?

Do I focus more on my happiness than his growth?

Am I trying to mold him into an image of my expectations?

If the answer is “yes” to any, you may be leaning toward loving your way instead of G‑d’s way.

Steps to Loving G‑d’s Way

1. Pray first: 

Ask G‑d to guide your heart and reveal areas where your love may be self-centered.

2. Listen deeply: 

Practice active listening without immediately offering solutions.

3. Serve intentionally: 

Find small ways to serve that align with his needs and your shared values.

4. Choose forgiveness: 

Release grudges and allow healing to flow into your relationship.

5. Reflect Messiah’s love: 

Let your words, tone, and touch reflect patience, kindness, and humility.

Embracing Community and Shared Mission

You don’t have to navigate love alone. We are created to walk in community, to support and encourage one another. Share your experiences, pray for others, or simply offer a listening ear. These small acts build a network of faith, love, and accountability—reminding each of us that we’re not alone in the journey of loving well.

A Gentle Invitation

If this message resonates with you, consider joining this circle of support: pray with us, share your story, or encourage someone who may be struggling. Even small acts ripple into eternity. Together, we can learn to love as G‑d designed—faithfully, wisely, and abundantly.

Remember, love isn’t perfected overnight. It’s a daily choice, a practice of aligning our hearts with His. As you seek to love your partner the G‑dly way, may you be reminded: He sees your efforts, He strengthens your heart, and He walks with you every step of the way.