What The Torah & Brit Hadashah Reveal About Passion In Marriage | Intimacy isn’t Just physical—It’s A Holy Calling 

Here’s how God’s Word frames passion as part of covenant love.

The house was finally quiet. The last dish was put away, the children’s breathing had softened into the rhythmic pattern of sleep, and the long to-do list of the day had, at last, come to an end. Yet, as I sat on the edge of the bed, a different, heavier list seemed to press on my heart. My husband’s hand found mine, his touch familiar and warm, an invitation to closeness. But instead of feeling a spark of connection, I felt a wave of… nothing. A flat, tired emptiness. And with it, a deep, aching guilt.

My mind raced. He’s a good man. A faithful man. He loves Adonai and he loves me. Why can’t I just… want this? I forced a smile, hoping it reached my eyes, and felt the chasm between us—not one of anger or strife, but one of quiet distance. It was a space filled with exhaustion, with the mental load of motherhood, with the residual stress of the day, and with a silent question: Is this it? Has the passion that once felt so natural simply evaporated?

If you’ve ever found yourself in a similar moment, dear sister, please know this first and foremost: you are not alone. Your struggle is not a sign of a failed marriage or a weak faith. It is a human experience, and it is one that God’s Word—our Torah and our Brit Hadashah—speaks into with profound wisdom, grace, and yes, even passion.

Understanding the Struggle: It’s More Than Physical

In our Messianic walk, we understand that humans are complex beings—nefesh (soul), ruach (spirit), and guf (body) are intricately woven together by the hand of HaShem. When one part is weary, the whole person is affected. A struggle with physical intimacy is rarely just about the physical. It’s often a symptom of something deeper happening in the soul or spirit.

Perhaps it’s the sheer exhaustion of life, the mental load that makes it hard to switch from “manager” to “lover.” Perhaps it’s past hurts or misunderstandings that have built a subtle wall of resentment. Maybe it’s body image issues, whispering lies that you are not desirable. Or it could be the spiritual attack of the enemy, who hates covenant love and seeks to destroy the very reflection of Messiah’s relationship with His bride.

Whatever the source, the feeling is real. But so is our God’s desire to heal, restore, and ignite the holy fire of covenant love within your marriage.

God’s Design for Physical Intimacy: A Holy Gift

Before we ever feel shame or struggle, we must return to the beginning—to Genesis, to God’s perfect design. The Torah does not shy away from physical intimacy; it celebrates it as a holy, good, and essential part of covenant marriage.

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24)

The Hebrew for “hold fast” is davak—to cling, to cleave, to be glued together. This is a powerful, active word. It’s more than coexistence; it’s a profound, mystical union. The “one flesh” concept isn’t merely a physical act; it is the totality of the covenant relationship—emotional, spiritual, and physical intimacy woven into one. God Himself instituted sexual intimacy as the sacred seal of the marriage covenant. It is a mitzvah, a good and holy command, designed for procreation, for pleasure, for deep connection, and as a living metaphor for Messiah’s love for us.

The entire book of Song of Songs (Shir HaShirim) stands as a testament to this. It is a passionate, poetic, and unabashed celebration of desire and love between a husband and wife. It is God’s Word, canonized Scripture, that says, “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine” (Song of Songs 1:2). This is not a book we skip over; it is a divine affirmation that passion and pleasure within marriage are beautiful and God-honoring.

Encouragement from Scripture: A Balm for the Weary Soul

When we feel dry and distant, God’s Word offers living water. It meets us in our struggle not with condemnation, but with comfort and strength.

From the Torah and Ketuvim (Writings):

“Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.” (Proverbs 5:18-19)

This Proverb, often directed at men, also reveals God’s heart for marriage. He desires for husbands and wives to be “intoxicated always” in each other’s love. The struggle you face is not His ideal. He wants to restore that delight. This verse can be a prayer: “Abba, restore the rejoicing. Let my husband be intoxicated in my love, and let my heart be a blessed fountain for him.”

“He fulfills the desire of those who fear him; he also hears their cry and saves them.” (Psalm 145:19)

Bring your desire, or lack thereof, before the Lord. He hears your cry—even the silent, ashamed one you can barely utter. Your longing for a connected, passionate marriage is a desire that aligns with His will. Trust that He is faithful to fulfill it in His timing and way.

From the Brit Hadashah (New Testament):

“The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband… Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” (1 Corinthians 7:3, 5)

Rav Shaul (Paul) speaks with stunning practicality. He acknowledges that there will be seasons of abstinence for prayer, but he is clear that the regular pattern of a healthy marriage is one of mutual giving. Notice the reciprocity: both the husband and wife have “rights” and responsibilities. This isn’t a one-sided command; it’s a call for both partners to be attentive and generous lovers. It’s a strategic defense against the enemy’s attacks on your covenant.

“Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.” (1 Peter 4:8)

Sometimes, the barrier to intimacy is not a lack of passion, but a collection of tiny annoyances and sins—a harsh word, a forgotten chore, a feeling of being taken for granted. This “earnest love” is agape love—the choice to act in the other’s best interest. Choosing to love, to serve, to forgive, and to extend grace even when you don’t feel like it can often be the very thing that clears the path for emotional and physical desire to rekindle.

Practical Steps to Build Desire: Tending the Garden

Passion is like a garden; it doesn’t thrive on neglect. It requires intentional planting, watering, and weeding. Here are some practical, faith-based steps to tend the garden of your marriage.

1. Pray Over Your Marriage Bed: This might feel awkward at first, but it is powerful. Pray alone and with your husband. Ask Adonai to restore desire, to heal past hurts, to make your intimacy a joyful and connecting experience. Invite the Ruach HaKodesh (Holy Spirit) into this area of your life. Sanctify it.

2. Prioritize Soul Connection: You cannot become “one flesh” if you are living as two distant strangers. Schedule time for non-sexual connection. Take a walk without phones. Talk about your dreams, your fears, your faith. Study Torah together. Laugh together. Emotional intimacy is the kindling for physical intimacy.

3. Examine Your “Mental Load”: Speak with your husband about the weight you carry. So often, a woman’s desire is extinguished under the weight of endless tasks. Be honest about what you need him to take off your plate so your mind can be free to relax and connect. This is a practical application of being “heirs together of the grace of life” (1 Peter 3:7).

4. Renew Your Mind: Combat lies about your body or your worth with Scripture. You are “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14). You are your beloved’s, and his desire is for you (Song of Songs 7:10). Reject the enemy’s whispers and replace them with God’s truth.

5. Start with Touch: If the idea of sex feels overwhelming, start smaller. Commit to a 20-second hug every day. Hold hands. Give a back rub without any expectation of it leading to more. Relearn the language of non-demand touch that simply says, “I enjoy being near you.”

Hope and Healing in Messiah

Yeshua’s first miracle was at a wedding in Cana, turning water into wine—the symbol of joy and celebration (John 2:1-11). He is not a distant God who is embarrassed by marital passion; He is the God who provides the best wine for the celebration of covenant love. He is in the business of transformation.

He can take the plain water of your daily routine, your fatigue, and your struggle, and transform it into the wine of intimacy and joy. It may not happen overnight, but He is walking with you in this process. Your marriage is a living parable of His covenant love for His people—for us, His Messianic bride. He is committed to its beauty and its health.

Your journey toward a passionate, connected marriage is a holy one. It is part of your worship. Be gentle with yourself. extend grace to your husband. And most importantly, cling to the One who designed this beautiful, mysterious, and sacred gift of intimacy. He will faithfully guide you both into deeper connection with Himself and with each other.

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A Invitation to Journey Together

Dear sister, thank you for allowing me to share my heart with yours. If this post resonated with you, if you felt seen and encouraged, then my purpose is fulfilled. My heart is to support and build up our Messianic community, creating resources that speak truth and grace into the real challenges we face.

This ministry of writing and advocacy is fueled by a desire to see marriages thrive for God’s glory. If you feel led to support this work, there are a few beautiful ways you can do so:

· Pray: Please pray for me, for wisdom and sensitivity, and for all the women who read these words, that they would find hope and healing in Messiah.

· Share: If you know another woman who might need this message today, please share it with her. Let’s break the silence and build a community of support.

· Encourage: I would be so blessed to hear from you. Your stories and comments are a great encouragement.

· Give: If you feel led to support this work financially, your gift helps to create more content, resources, and perhaps one day, retreats and counseling for Messianic couples.

Most of all, know that you are cherished by our Heavenly Bridegroom. You are on a journey, and you are not walking it alone.

With love and shalom,

Kohathite.com