The Ancient Secret From The Song Of Songs That Rekindles Desire Today

Buried in Scripture is a poetic blueprint for passion. Could the key to attraction in your marriage be hiding in the Song of Songs?

The house is finally quiet. The last dish is put away, the children are asleep, and the only sound is the gentle hum of the refrigerator. You and your husband sit on the couch, a respectable space between you. He reaches over and places his hand on yours, his touch familiar and warm. And yet, instead of a spark, you feel… a wall. A deep, internal sigh escapes you. You want to feel that pull, that magnetic desire you felt in the early days. You love this man—this wonderful, godly man you vowed to build a life with. But the thought of physical intimacy feels like just another item on your endless to-do list, another demand on a spirit that feels utterly poured out.

You feel a pang of guilt. Is something wrong with you? Is your faith not strong enough? You pray for patience, for love, for strength, but the desire itself feels like a distant memory. You long for the closeness, the electric connection, but the pathway to it seems overgrown with thorns of exhaustion, stress, and the sheer weight of daily life.

If this is you, dear sister, please know this first: you are not alone. Your struggle is not a sign of a failing marriage or a weak faith. It is a human struggle in a fallen world. And more importantly, it is a struggle that Adonai sees, and one for which He has provided a beautiful, ancient, and surprising map hidden within the very poetry of His Word.

Understanding the Struggle: When the Flame Flickers

In our Messianic walk, we understand the concept of the yetzer ha'tov (the good inclination) and the yetzer ha'ra (the evil inclination). Sometimes, we mistakenly lump our God-given desire for physical intimacy with our husband into the category of the "evil inclination," something to be subdued or even ashamed of. Or, life simply gets in the way. The stresses of managing a home, raising children, work, community obligations—they can drain the cup of our emotional and physical energy until there seems to be nothing left to give.

We forget that our bodies and our desires are not separate from our spirituality; they are an integral part of it. The struggle with libido is not just a physical issue; it’s often a soul issue—a disconnect between our spirit, our mind, and our body. The good news is that our God is the God of shalom—wholeness and complete peace that integrates every part of our being.

God’s Design for Physical Intimacy: It Was His Idea First

Before we dive into the Song of Songs, we must anchor ourselves in the foundation: physical intimacy within marriage is a holy and beautiful invention of our Creator.

Genesis 2:24-25 (TLV) - Therefore a man will leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and they will become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

Becoming "one flesh" is more than a physical act; it is a mystical, profound union that mirrors the unity of the Godhead. And note the last powerful phrase: "they were not ashamed." In God's perfect design, intimacy is characterized by vulnerability without fear, openness without shame, and mutual delight. This was His original blueprint.

The enemy has worked tirelessly to corrupt this beautiful design, twisting it into something used for selfishness, exploitation, or shame. But in Messiah, we have the power to reclaim it and restore it to its holy purpose.

Encouragement from Scripture: The Song of Songs and the Heart of Messiah

The Song of Songs (Shir HaShirim) is often read as an allegory of God's love for Israel or Messiah's love for His bride, the Kehilah (church). This is a rich and true interpretation. But we must not forget that it is also a very real, earthy, and passionate poem about the love between a man and a woman. By inspiring this book, God is shouting to us: Your marital love and desire matter to Me!

Let’s uncover a few secrets buried in this beautiful song.

1. The Power of Praise and Attraction:

Song of Songs 4:1, 7 (TLV) - "Behold, you are beautiful, my darling! Behold, you are beautiful! Your eyes are doves behind your veil... You are altogether beautiful, my darling, and there is no flaw in you."

The groom doesn’t just say “you are beautiful” once. He lavishes praise on his bride, detailing her features. He sees her. In the grind of daily life, we can forget to see our husbands as attractive men, and they can forget to voice their admiration for us. The secret here is intentional attraction. Desire is often kindled not in the bedroom, but in the daylight hours through words of affirmation, appreciative glances, and choosing to see the best in one another.

2. The Call to Choose Intimacy:

Song of Songs 4:16 (TLV) - "Awake, O north wind! Come, O south wind! Blow upon my garden, let its spices flow. Let my beloved come to his garden and eat its choicest fruits."

This is the bride’s invitation. She doesn’t wait for desire to magically appear; she invites it. She asks the winds to stir her garden into life. This is a powerful principle: sometimes action precedes feeling. We can prayerfully invite Adonai to stir the winds of desire within us, and we can actively choose to open the gate of our "garden" to our beloved, even when we don't initially feel like it. Often, the feelings of connection and pleasure follow the act of willing, loving surrender.

3. The Messianic Model of Selfless Love:

Our ultimate example for everything, including marriage, is Yeshua. His love for us is the template.

Ephesians 5:25 (TLV) - "Husbands, love your wives just as Messiah also loved His community and gave Himself up for her."

John 10:10 (TLV) - "The thief comes only to steal, slaughter, and destroy. I have come that they might have life, and have it abundantly!"

Yeshua’s love is sacrificial, intentional, and life-giving. He seeks our abundance. In marriage, this translates to a mutual giving of oneself for the other’s good and joy. Physical intimacy is meant to be a place of mutual giving and receiving, a place of abundant life where both partners feel safe, cherished, and renewed. The enemy seeks to steal your joy and destroy your connection. But Messiah came to restore it and make it abundant.

Practical Steps to Build Desire: Tending the Garden

Rekindling desire is a process of tending the garden of your marriage. It takes time, patience, and the right tools.

1. Pray Over Your Marriage Bed: This might feel unusual at first, but invite the Ruach HaKodesh (the Holy Spirit) into this area of your life. Pray for healing from past hurts, for a renewed sense of joy, for protection from shame, and for creativity and passion to flourish. Ask God to help you see your husband through His eyes.

2. Prioritize Connection Before Physicality: Desire for women is often built in the non-physical moments. A 20-minute uninterrupted conversation, him doing the dishes without being asked, a hug that isn’t meant to lead to anything else, holding hands during a walk. Invest in emotional and spiritual intimacy, and physical intimacy will often find a more natural pathway.

3. Remember Your First Love: Think back to the early days of your relationship. What did you do together? What made you laugh? What attracted you to him? Share those memories with each other. Recreate your first date. Sometimes, we need to journey back to move forward.

4. Guard Your Garden: Be ruthlessly intentional about what you allow into your mind and spirit. Stress, unhealthy media, and exhaustion are like weeds that choke out desire. Create boundaries. Protect your time. Schedule intimacy if you must! A scheduled "date night" is not unspiritual; it is a practical way to honor the priority of your covenant relationship.

Hope and Healing in Messiah

Dear sister, your desire is not lost. It may be dormant, waiting for the right conditions to bloom again. You are not failing. You are on a journey toward shalom—wholeness—in your marriage, and Adonai is walking with you every step of the way.

Yeshua is the ultimate restorer. He takes our brokenness and makes it whole. He takes our weariness and gives us rest. He takes our duty and turns it back into delight. He can breathe life into the dry bones of your desire (Ezekiel 37). Trust Him with this vulnerable part of your heart and your marriage.

You are a beloved daughter of the King, a cherished bride in your own home. Your marriage is a holy covenant, and the intimate part of it is a gift waiting to be rediscovered. May the north and south winds of the Ruach blow upon your garden, stirring up the fragrant spices of love, passion, and deep, joyful connection once again.

A Note from My Heart to Yours:

Thank you for spending this time with me, allowing me to share these words of hope. My heart’s mission is to support and encourage our Messianic community, especially women, as we navigate the beautiful, complex journey of faith, family, and marriage. If this post resonated with you, you are already a part of this community.

If you feel led, there are a few beautiful ways you can support this work:

· Pray: Please pray for me, that I would continue to write with wisdom, compassion, and the leading of the Ruach HaKodesh.

· Share: If you know another sister who might need to hear this message, please pass it along. Let’s break the silence and build each other up.

· Encourage: I would be so blessed to hear your story or your thoughts. Your journey inspires mine.

· Give: If you believe in this mission and feel led to support it financially, your gift helps this work reach more homes and more hearts. It allows me to dedicate more time to creating resources that serve our community.

No matter what, know that you are seen, you are loved, and you are walking this path not alone, but with all of us, hand in hand, toward the light of our Messiah.

B'shalom,

Kohathite.com