Crisis Safety Decision Path - When Conflict Becomes a Safety Concern

FIRST QUESTION: IS ANYONE IN IMMEDIATE DANGER?

Is there an immediate threat of serious physical harm, violence, sexual assault, kidnapping, or another life-threatening situation?

☐ YES → STOP THE CONFLICT-RESOLUTION PROCESS.

Move to safety if you can do so safely. Contact appropriate emergency services or another immediate source of protection. Do not attempt to resolve the disagreement while someone is in immediate danger.

☐ NO → Continue below.

STEP 1 — CHECK FOR THREATS OR INTIMIDATION

Has anyone:

☐ Threatened to hurt you or someone else?

☐ Threatened suicide or serious self-harm in connection with the conflict?

☐ Threatened to destroy property?

☐ Blocked you from leaving?

☐ Followed, stalked, or repeatedly monitored you?

☐ Used weapons or threatened to use a weapon?

☐ Intentionally frightened or intimidated you?

☐ Made you afraid that refusing their demands could result in harm?

If YES to any of these:

Do not treat this as an ordinary communication problem.

Prioritize safety, distance, and appropriate outside assistance.

My immediate safety step is:

Person or service I can contact:

STEP 2 — CHECK FOR ABUSE OR COERCIVE CONTROL

Does the situation involve an ongoing pattern of:

☐ Physical violence

☐ Sexual coercion or assault

☐ Emotional or psychological abuse

☐ Financial control

☐ Isolation from family, friends, congregation, or support

☐ Threats involving children or family members

☐ Destruction of property

☐ Surveillance or controlling access to communication

☐ Repeated humiliation or degradation

☐ Forced decisions through intimidation or fear

☐ Retaliation when boundaries are established

☐ Other serious controlling behavior

If YES:

Do not assume that a private confrontation is the safest next step.

Consider speaking confidentially with an appropriate professional, advocate, clergy member, counselor, trusted support person, or relevant authority who understands the situation.

People I can safely contact:

STEP 3 — CAN I SAFELY SAY "NO"?

Ask yourself:

"If I disagree, set a boundary, leave the conversation, or say no, what is likely to happen?"

☐ I can disagree safely.

☐ The person may become angry, but I can safely leave.

☐ I am uncertain.

☐ I fear retaliation.

☐ I believe I could be harmed.

If you fear retaliation, do not use an ordinary confrontation plan simply because the worksheet recommends direct communication.

Safety takes priority over completing the conversation.

STEP 4 — CAN THIS CONVERSATION BE HELD SAFELY?

A direct conversation may be appropriate when:

☐ Both people can remain physically safe.

☐ Neither person is threatening the other.

☐ Both people can leave the conversation freely.

☐ There is enough emotional regulation to communicate.

☐ There is no immediate danger.

☐ Each person can speak without intimidation.

Consider additional support when:

☐ The conflict repeatedly escalates.

☐ One person cannot communicate safely with the other.

☐ There is a significant power imbalance.

☐ There has been previous violence or serious intimidation.

☐ The conflict involves children, finances, housing, employment, or legal matters.

☐ The parties cannot establish mutually respected boundaries.

☐ A neutral third party would provide greater safety and clarity.

A person I could ask to assist appropriately:

STEP 5 — IF EMOTIONS ARE ESCALATING

STOP.

Ask:

Am I becoming too angry, frightened, overwhelmed, or distressed to communicate constructively?

☐ Yes

☐ No

If YES:

Pause the conversation.

A safe statement may be:

"I want to address this, but I am not able to continue this conversation safely or constructively right now. I am going to step away and we can determine an appropriate next step."

My safe exit plan:

Where can I go?

Who can I contact?

STEP 6 — DO NOT CONFUSE PEACE WITH IMMEDIATE RECONCILIATION

Scripture teaches:

"Seek peace, and pursue it."
—Psalm 34:14

Seeking peace does not mean remaining in a dangerous situation.

It does not require an immediate face-to-face meeting.

It does not require surrendering appropriate boundaries.

It does not require keeping dangerous conduct secret.

It does not require trusting someone who has not demonstrated trustworthy behavior.

Ask:

What does peace require right now?

☐ A calm conversation

☐ Time apart

☐ A boundary

☐ Mediation

☐ Accountability

☐ Professional assistance

☐ Congregational/community assistance

☐ Legal assistance

☐ Emergency assistance

☐ Another protective step: ____________________________

STEP 7 — CHILDREN AND VULNERABLE PEOPLE

Is a child, elderly person, dependent adult, or otherwise vulnerable person potentially at risk?

☐ No

☐ Yes

☐ Unsure

If YES or UNSURE:

Do not place the vulnerable person in the role of mediator.

Do not ask a child to carry messages between adults.

Prioritize protection, appropriate supervision, and qualified assistance.

What protective step is needed?

STEP 8 — AFTER THE CRISIS

Once everyone is physically safe, ask:

What happened?

What immediate safety concerns remain?

What boundaries are now necessary?

Who needs to be informed?

What support is needed?

What should NOT happen again?

What would responsible accountability look like?

BIBLICAL ANCHORS FOR CRISIS WISDOM

WISDOM

"The prudent man foreseeth the evil, and hideth himself."
—Proverbs 22:3

Reflection:
Wisdom recognizes danger before walking directly into it.

SELF-CONTROL

"He that is slow to wrath is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city."
—Proverbs 16:32

Reflection:
Strength includes the ability to restrain one's response.

JUSTICE

"Ye shall do no unrighteousness in judgment."
—Leviticus 19:15

Reflection:
Peace does not require abandoning justice.

PROTECTION

"Deliver them that are drawn unto death, and those that are ready to be slain see that thou forbear not to deliver them."
—Proverbs 24:11

Reflection:
There are circumstances in which protecting another person takes precedence over remaining passive.

PEACE

"Depart from evil, and do good; seek peace, and pursue it."
—Psalm 34:14

Reflection:
Biblical peace involves both departing from evil and actively pursuing what is good.

MY SAFETY DECISION

After considering the questions above, my present situation is:

☐ GREEN — ORDINARY CONFLICT

No immediate safety concern. A calm, respectful conversation may be appropriate.

My next step:

☐ YELLOW — HEIGHTENED CONCERN

The situation is emotionally volatile, intimidating, repetitive, or otherwise difficult enough that additional support, distance, boundaries, or mediation may be appropriate.

My next step:

Person I can consult:

☐ RED — IMMEDIATE SAFETY CONCERN

There is an immediate threat, violence, serious intimidation, or another situation requiring urgent protection.